Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
