I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just gargled with NyQuil
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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