aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
