oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's shark week go big or go home
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
