She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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