If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
