if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
