Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
