i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
