Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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