We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
