she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
