Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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