the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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