I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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