Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
