How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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