I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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