I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
