Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
