Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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