Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize