i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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