I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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