People in love make me want to vomit
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
