Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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