i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
