good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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