just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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