yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
