He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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