i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
