I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
