you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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