listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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