Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
