I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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