how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
