whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
