Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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