his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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