went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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