Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
whose parrot is this?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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