a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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