hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
