I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
