Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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