You're so nebulous sometimes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
