Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
