ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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