so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
