My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
