Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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