3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
worst night to have a conscience
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
