Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Never joke about your clitoris.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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