phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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