people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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