covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there is glitter all over my balls
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