i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
