We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
