Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
