Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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