I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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