Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
