I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
