i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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