There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
