I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
