My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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