dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
