your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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