Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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